12 Things to Consider Before Getting Married in the Catholic Church

A Catholic Marriage Is More Than a Wedding Day

What couples should know about parish preparation, the wedding liturgy, married life, divorce, and the annulment process.

Getting married in the Catholic Church is not simply a beautiful way to celebrate a relationship. It is a public covenant, a vocation, and, between two baptized Christians, a sacrament. The Church asks couples to prepare carefully because marriage is meant to last for life and to become a school of holiness, love, forgiveness, and self-gift.

The following 12 considerations can help you approach Catholic marriage with honesty and hope. Parish and diocesan procedures vary, so your pastor or parish marriage coordinator should always be your final guide for local requirements.

1. Understand What the Catholic Church Means by Marriage

The Church teaches that marriage is a covenant in which a man and a woman establish a partnership of the whole of life, ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of children. The baptized enter this covenant as a sacrament (CCC 1601).

Jesus points back to God's plan in Genesis when He says, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6). Catholic marriage is therefore not merely a private promise or a legal arrangement. It is a lifelong vocation lived in cooperation with God's grace.

2. Contact Your Parish Early

Do not wait until a few weeks before the wedding. Contact your parish as soon as you are seriously considering marriage, often six to twelve months before the ceremony. Some dioceses require a longer preparation period or have specific scheduling rules.

Your pastor will explain the steps for preparing, help determine whether there are any impediments or permissions needed, and guide you toward the appropriate marriage-preparation program. Early communication also gives the parish time to address questions without turning the process into a last-minute scramble.

3. Establish That Both Parties Are Free to Marry

Before setting a date, the Church must establish that each person is free to marry. This usually includes a personal interview with the pastor or another authorized minister. You will be asked about your faith, freedom, intentions, previous marriages, and understanding of Catholic marriage.

A prior marriage, a close blood relationship, a vow of celibacy, or another circumstance can affect whether a person is free to marry in the Church. These matters are not reasons for shame. They are important facts that should be brought forward honestly so the parish can help.

If either person has been married before, do not assume that a civil divorce automatically means the person is free to marry. The prior marriage must be examined according to Church law before a new Catholic wedding can be scheduled.

4. Gather the Required Documents and Permissions

Your parish will normally request recent baptismal records for Catholics, proof of confirmation when available, and other documents required by the diocese. You will also need to complete any civil marriage-license requirements established by your state.

If one person is not Catholic, the couple may need permission for a mixed marriage or a dispensation from a disparity of cult, depending on the person's baptismal status. The Catholic party is ordinarily asked to remain faithful to the Catholic faith and to do all in his or her power to have the children baptized and raised Catholic, while the non-Catholic party must be informed of that promise (CCC 1633–1637).

These permissions are handled through the parish and diocese. Do not try to solve them by guessing from something you read online; ask your pastor to explain exactly what applies to your situation.

5. Complete Marriage Preparation

Catholic marriage preparation is intended to form a couple, not merely to check a box. Depending on the parish or diocese, it may include meetings with the priest, a mentor couple, a marriage-preparation course, a retreat, and an inventory that opens conversation about communication, finances, family life, conflict, faith, and children.

The Catechism describes preparation for marriage as especially important because the future of the family and the Church depends in part on the formation of the couple (CCC 1632). Take the process seriously. The goal is not to prove that your relationship is perfect. The goal is to learn how to make a free, mature, and informed decision.

6. Examine Your Readiness and Your Freedom

Ask difficult questions before the wedding: Can we speak honestly about money, children, faith, in-laws, work, sexuality, and conflict? Do we respect one another's conscience? Are we entering marriage freely, or are we being pressured by family, pregnancy, finances, loneliness, or fear?

Catholic consent must be free and deliberate. The spouses are the ministers of the sacrament because they give themselves to one another through their consent (CCC 1626–1627). A wedding cannot repair a relationship built on coercion, manipulation, addiction, or serious dishonesty. Bring major concerns into the light and seek help before making vows.

7. Prepare Spiritually and Morally

Prayer should be part of your preparation, not something added only to the ceremony. Attend Mass, receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation, pray together, and ask God to purify your intentions.

The Church also calls engaged couples to live chastely while preparing for marriage. Chastity is not a rejection of love or the body. It is the virtue that teaches us to respect the dignity of the other person and to reserve the complete gift of marital intimacy for marriage. If you are struggling, speak with a compassionate priest or trusted Catholic counselor rather than hiding in shame.

Couples should also discuss the Church's teaching on openness to life and responsible parenthood. Marital love is meant to be both unitive and open to the gift of children (CCC 2363–2366). These conversations are best begun before the wedding, not after it.

8. Understand the Consent and the Vows

At the heart of the wedding is the exchange of consent. The couple promises a faithful and lifelong marriage. The exact wording varies by approved rite, but the essential commitment is the same: to take one another as husband and wife and to remain faithful in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for all the days of life.

These are not poetic decorations. They are the words by which the couple gives and receives the marriage covenant. Jesus teaches the permanence of this union in Matthew 19:4–6, and Saint Paul describes Christian marriage as a sign of Christ's faithful love for the Church in Ephesians 5:21–33.

9. Let the Wedding Day Point to God

The Catholic wedding is an act of worship, whether it is celebrated within Mass or outside Mass according to the parish's norms. The readings, prayers, music, attire, photography, and decorations should support the sacred character of the liturgy rather than turn it into a performance.

Talk with the priest or liturgy coordinator about the approved readings, music, procession, vows, witnesses, and participation of family members. Arrive early, pray before the ceremony, and remember that the most important moment is not the reception or the photographs. It is the free exchange of consent before God and the Church.

After the wedding, protect a quiet moment for thanksgiving. A simple prayer together can help you begin your married life with the right perspective.

10. Understand the Calling of a Catholic Husband

The Bible calls a husband to love his wife with a sacrificial, faithful, and self-giving love. Saint Paul tells husbands to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). This is not permission for control or entitlement. It is a call to lay down selfishness and serve the good of one's wife and family.

A Catholic husband should strive to be truthful, faithful, protective without being possessive, responsible with work and money, willing to apologize, and committed to prayer. He is called to cherish his wife as his own body and to treat her with honor (Ephesians 5:28–29; 1 Peter 3:7).

Christian leadership in the home is measured by sacrificial love, not domination. The marriage begins with the mutual self-gift of both spouses.

11. Understand the Calling of a Catholic Wife

A Catholic wife is called to a generous, faithful, and life-giving love that strengthens the marriage and family. The biblical vision is not a caricature of silent obedience. Saint Paul begins his teaching on marriage by calling Christians to “be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21).

A wife is called to respect her husband, speak truth with charity, share responsibility for the home and family, use her gifts for the good of others, and help build a household shaped by faith. Proverbs 31 presents a woman of wisdom, initiative, strength, generosity, and practical competence, not a person without a voice.

Husband and wife have equal dignity before God and are partners in the vocation of marriage. Their responsibilities may be expressed differently in particular families, but neither spouse is permitted to use Scripture or Church teaching to justify abuse, coercion, or contempt.

12. Know the Church's Teaching on Divorce and Annulment

The Catholic Church teaches that a valid and consummated sacramental marriage is indissoluble. A civil divorce does not, by itself, dissolve the marriage bond or make either spouse free to marry someone else. The Catechism says that separation may be legitimate when living together becomes practically impossible, and civil divorce can be tolerated when it is the only possible way to secure certain legal rights, care for children, or protection of an inheritance (CCC 2383).

This teaching does not mean that a person must remain in an unsafe home. Where there is abuse, violence, serious addiction, or another grave danger, separation may be necessary. Seek safety, qualified support, pastoral care, and appropriate legal help. Protecting a spouse and children is not a rejection of Catholic marriage.

What Happens If One Spouse Leaves?

If one spouse abandons the marriage, the other spouse remains married in the eyes of the Church unless and until a valid marriage bond is shown not to have existed. Abandonment is painful and serious, but it does not automatically prove that the marriage was invalid from the beginning.

A spouse who has been left may seek pastoral guidance and, if appropriate, petition a diocesan tribunal for a declaration of nullity, commonly called an annulment. An annulment is not a Catholic divorce. It is the Church's judgment that, after examining the facts, a valid marriage bond was not established at the time of consent. The tribunal looks at the couple's freedom, intentions, capacity, understanding, and circumstances when the vows were exchanged, not simply at who is to blame for the later breakdown.

What Is Required to Seek an Annulment?

The process normally begins with contacting the parish or diocesan tribunal. The petitioner gives information about the relationship and marriage, completes forms, provides documents such as the marriage certificate and civil divorce decree, and offers the names of people who can speak honestly about the couple's courtship, wedding, and married life.

The former spouse is ordinarily notified and invited to participate, provide information, and identify witnesses. The former spouse's agreement is not required for the tribunal to examine the case, and a lack of participation does not automatically stop the process. The tribunal must still investigate fairly and reach its decision from the evidence.

A declaration of nullity is not guaranteed. If the tribunal finds that a valid marriage was established, the petition may be rejected. If a declaration is granted, the decision does not say that the relationship was meaningless or that children are illegitimate. It says that the requirements for a valid marriage bond were not present at the beginning (CCC 1629).

While a case is being considered, a person should not enter a new union. If a declaration of nullity is granted, the tribunal or diocese may identify conditions or pastoral guidance before a future marriage is celebrated. Speak directly with the tribunal about your circumstances; the process is personal, and no article can replace its guidance.

Begin Marriage With Truth, Prayer, and Hope

The Catholic Church's preparation process may seem demanding, but marriage deserves more than a rushed checklist. The questions it raises are meant to protect freedom, strengthen love, and help couples understand the promises they are about to make.

Bring your relationship honestly to Christ. Prepare carefully, receive the sacraments, seek wise counsel, and learn to love one another with the patient and self-giving charity described in 1 Corinthians 13:4–7. A Catholic marriage is not sustained by romance alone. It is sustained by grace, faithful choices, forgiveness, prayer, and the daily decision to become a gift to one another.

If you are preparing for marriage, contact your parish priest early. If you are facing separation, abandonment, or questions about an annulment, ask the parish or diocesan tribunal for compassionate, individual guidance.