Focus on All
"Sometimes we can concentrate so much on the players that we miss the play."
Discovering Who God Created You to Be
So much of our lives, up to this point, have been based on who we assume we are supposed to be. We easily look to those around us for clues about our identity. Expressions like "the in crowd," "being in style," "fitting in," and "keeping up with the Joneses" have plagued us and bound us in a prison of our own making.
In doing so, we continually resist being all that we were created to be. And that is the truth worth sitting with: we are who we are created to be. It is in this very moment that all truth resides — in what we are continually and infinitely being. Not only can we not be someone else, but they cannot be us either. Try as they may, or as we may, it is simply not possible to be anything less than the super special, unique individual that is our creation.
"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." — Ephesians 2:10
The First Clue: Dissatisfaction
The first sign that we are not being who we are created to be is the feeling of dissatisfaction. When we concentrate on what we think we should be, we miss the beauty in who we are. In this very moment, before thought, lies the mystery of truth. Happiness exists right here, right now — and it is our thoughts, and the emotions attached to them, that set the course for what we will experience in the moments to come.
"We are always best at being who we are."
When we are being who we were created to be, everything feels right. We have no need to compare ourselves to anyone else. And then we discover another wonderful secret: we become genuinely happy for others who are blessed. No longer do we feel the need to diminish another’s accomplishments or make their blessings seem less than they are. Why? Because we are now living fully in our own skin — and that is its own kind of euphoria.
"Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms." — 1 Peter 4:10
The Second Clue: Resentment
Here is the second sign that we are not being true to ourselves: we become inundated with resentment. The accomplishments of others and the things they possess become a thorn in our side. From this place, we begin to affirm lies passionately and with our most intense emotions.
We say things like: "I don’t want a life like that!" Or we tell ourselves, "She must have cheated her way into that position." Or maybe we sigh and say, "My life is a mess — I’d trade places with you in an instant." There are endless variations of this kind of negative mindset. But the bottom line is always the same: so what? None of these things have anything to do with who we can become — right now, in this very moment.
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." — Romans 12:2
Made in the Image and Likeness of God
Do we truly believe that we are souls and spirits created in the image of God? Are we fully aware of what that actually means?
We are not mistakes. We are not errors. Every single one of us is a unique, beautiful, wonderful creation of infinite possibilities. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says it plainly:
"Of all visible creatures only man is able to know and love his creator... he alone is called to share, by knowledge and love, in God’s own life." — CCC 356
So why, knowing this, would we ever settle for simply trying to fit in?
"And God said, ‘Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness.’" — Genesis 1:26
"We are only limited by what we think is impossible."
The greatest people in history — as unique as they were — had no more potential for success than we do right now. We decide how far we go, what we can do, and how great we want to be. We carry within us a power that comes from the Creator Himself — seated in our hearts and souls — to create ourselves. It is a matter of choosing who we will be. We must choose the life God created us to live.
The Trap of "Not Right Now"
How many times have we said, "I don’t have time right now" or "maybe later"? How often do we cling to the mundane tasks of the day when someone invites us to simply enjoy life? Have we forfeited today for what could have been done tomorrow? Have we missed opportunities to be truly alive because we’ve put ourselves on a rigid schedule of unnecessary and overdone tasks?
If so, it is time to break those chains of self-imposed oppression and be — right now.
You see, my friends, the grass does not always need to be cut on Saturday. Go somewhere special with your kids when the sun is high in the sky. Take your daughter to dinner and a movie — the laundry can wait, but she is here and she wants to spend time with you today. Don’t sit home and sulk on a rainy day; go visit family. There may be something in all of these moments that needs to happen in order for us to move forward. In these unplanned, unhurried experiences could be the knowledge and wisdom that will launch us deeper into who we were created to be.
"This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." — Psalm 118:24
Living by Default
We have been pondering the signs that tell us we are not being who we are. It is now easier to identify everything we have been unintentionally doing to avoid truly being. Why? Because we were never — or not recently — told to be what our heart tells us to be. We accepted the illusion of "get real" and began living our lives by default. Only occasionally do we revisit our dreams, contemplate our aspirations, and ask the question that matters most: Who am I?
The answer: I am all that I am created to be.
God has given each of us an incredible gift — a unique specialty and a wonderful purpose. Where is it? It is wrapped inside the most beautiful package and sitting on the shelf of our living room, covered with dust, waiting patiently for us to pick it up, hold it close to our hearts, and unwrap the mysterious gift within.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." — Jeremiah 1:5
"Passion is the soul’s recognition of God’s gifts."
Here lies the secret that enables us to be the greatest version of ourselves that we were created to be. Many of us have been avoiding what we have known our entire lives. There is something we love to do — but somewhere along the way, someone told us we weren’t worthy of the gift. When we use these God-given gifts, hours feel like minutes. We could do it all day, every day, for the rest of our lives. This is what we are passionate about — and passion is the soul’s recognition of God’s gifts. When we live from this place, we are guaranteed something far more valuable than success as the world defines it. We are happy.
The Illusions We Were Sold
We can choose to be happy today. There is no reason to believe we have to jump through a series of hoops before happiness is permitted. It is a profound illusion to believe that what makes one person happy will make everyone happy. There is no cookie-cutter program for joy.
So why have so many of us conditioned ourselves to settle for less? Well-meaning people who loved us felt the need to protect us from failure. In doing so, they did not fully believe in us — and we began not to believe in ourselves. They had bought into the illusions that were sold to them, and in turn, we accepted those myths and decided to play it safe.
What were those illusions? The basic rules went something like this: you will be happy when you have enough money, marry the right spouse, attend the right school, or get the right job. But how much is enough money? What is the right school, spouse, or job? It is all subjective. And the greatest untruth of all? That we are average. How could anyone look at the most basic principle of creation — that we are made in the image and likeness of God — and believe we are anything less than spectacular?
"The glory of God is man fully alive." — St. Irenaeus of Lyon
"God does not call the qualified; He qualifies the called." — Traditional
Sipping Sand Instead of Drawing from the Well
So many of us today continue to follow the mirage and ignore the oasis. We sit there so eloquently sipping sand instead of dropping our cup deep into the well. We choose what we have been taught is the finest sparkling water over the essence of all that is. If only we would put down the illusion and realize that only living water can quench an infinite thirst.
"Jesus answered, ‘Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.’" — John 4:13–14
Money, power, and fame have sucked us into an unreality. We have been given a key that unlocks no lock. Years, decades, and centuries of worldly influence have taught us to paddle harder and faster toward the top. And some have made it there — only to discover an empty box adorned with a beautiful ribbon.
"There is no guarantee that every box adorned with a pretty ribbon contains the same gift."
Not everyone is meant to have the same thing. We must look inside ourselves to find our own special gift. The secret lies in the inner man’s ability to recognize his own passion. This is the system God created within us that allows us to become who we were made to be. With this comes joy and timeless endeavor. If that sounds like happiness to you, then you now truly understand the nature of success.
"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." — Psalm 37:4
Success cannot be gauged by money, property, cars, or clothes. It is a measure of the I Am, that I Am. Within each of us is the special talent that will enable us to take the first steps in His plan. It is here that our journey toward our ultimate destiny begins.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." — Jeremiah 29:11
The Lure
The distractions placed before us are designed to slow us down. Absent of true sustenance, they will never be able to hold our attention for more than a few short months. This is the absolute irony I relate to the sipping of sand: the more we drink, the thirstier we get.
How many times have we yearned for a material possession, convinced that this is the one that will finally make us happy? Maybe we sacrifice and save. Maybe we compromise our ethics in some way. And finally, when we hold the thing in our hands, the first thought is: "Wait until they see me in this!"
Ah — there it is. What we were really looking for was part envy and part pride. Not truly understanding our relationship with God, we chose these idols as our foster parents. We let things tell us — and tell others — that we are worthy. The Catechism is clear on where this path leads:
"Man’s sin against God replaces the Creator with a creature — whether money, power, pleasure, or any other idol." — CCC 398, 2113
The whole scenario reminds me of fishing with a lure. When I was a kid on the pond, I seldom had live bait. Periodically my mom would buy me a few new lures as the old ones wore out. The thing about a good lure is that you can catch many fish, cast after cast — because the fish simply cannot tell the difference between the lure and the real thing. They expend all their energy chasing it and get nothing in return. One of two things happens when a fish gets tricked: they get thrown back hungry, or they get taken home and eaten.
In all fairness, it is fine to own nice things — as long as you don’t allow them to own you. Understand that the happiness derived from them is temporal. That dream car you’re driving today will feel just like the one you traded in within a few short months. Watch out. You don’t want to get reeled in by another lure.
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven." — Matthew 6:19–20
A Personal Story
Last night I mentioned to my wife an incident that took place several years ago. I was in my final years of high school, trying to figure out what I wanted to study in college. I have always had a talent for being insightful, and for as long as I can remember, people came to me with whatever was troubling them. Somehow, without even offering advice, they always felt better after talking to me — and that filled me up in a way few other things did.
I would get people stopping at my table in the cafeteria, coming by the house after school, and more than a few late-night calls that started with: "Ron, can we talk?" I remember those nights well — barely awake, the handset as my pillow. But I never minded. Something about it just felt right.
One day my dad came to me and asked, "Have you decided what you’re going to be when you grow up?" I told him I wanted to be a psychologist. "Oh no, that’s all we need!" he said — perhaps worried about being analyzed. He quickly redirected me: "Why don’t you go into advertising? I have a friend in Boston who’ll start you at six figures right out of school."
Be careful, parents. You have an incredible power of influence over your children — use it wisely. In this case, I went for it hook, line, and sinker. His dream became mine. But it never materialized. It was not part of God’s plan.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." — Proverbs 22:6
Parental influence is an incredible force. It can shape the current of the ocean in which our children swim — for better or for worse.
I am also reminded of an automobile accident I was in as a teenager. A 1974 Chevrolet Impala crossed the yellow line and hit my tiny sports car head-on. The memory of that big chrome grille forcing me closer and closer to the sidewalk will never leave me. It was crash, poof, crash — and my car catapulted backwards into a telephone pole. Flames were shooting from the engine and my door was jammed shut.
Somehow I found strength I didn’t know I had, forced the door open, and made my way to the nearest house. An elderly Portuguese woman answered and handed me a tea kettle. It wasn’t much, but it was something.
I was furious. The drunk driver had no insurance, and it wasn’t even his car. When my mom tried to explain what the attorney said, I grew even angrier. "Mom, he better pay for my car!" She listened patiently and then said something that, looking back, contributed more to my character than every textbook I ever read in college:
"You wouldn’t want someone to do that to you, Ronnie."
"Do to others as you would have them do to you." — Luke 6:31
Conclusion: It Is Never Too Late
Let me come back to the point. We all know what we love to do. It is our passion — our gift from God. This is success. And we must never let anyone tell us differently. This is the true reality of our being. All other things will leave us hungry, thirsty, and wanting more.
Remember one very important thing: it is never too late to dip our cup into the well.
"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." — John 10:10