Be Loving
Small acts of affection, faithful choices, and honest communication can help love grow through every season of marriage.
It is often the simple things we do that count. When we share knowledge with a child or show appreciation to our spouse, our actions speak volumes.
I never realized that, over time, I had made a loving gesture part of my routine. When I see my wife standing by the kitchen sink, I may walk over, put my arms around her, and give her a hug. In that small moment, I am telling her that I love and appreciate her.
Not bad for a couple of steps across the kitchen.
Affection looks different in every marriage, and it should be welcomed by both spouses. The point is not a particular gesture. It is the daily choice to notice one another, listen, and express love in ways the other person can receive.
Never take love for granted
Proverbs offers this image of faithful love: “Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well” (Proverbs 5:15). The passage calls a husband to rejoice in the wife of his youth and to cherish marital fidelity (Proverbs 5:18–20).
This wisdom is not permission to treat a spouse as property or to ignore a marriage’s problems. It is a call to nurture the covenant we have made. If you love and appreciate your spouse, let them know. Take time to hold them, listen to what they are carrying, and ask how you can support them.
The Church teaches that marriage is a covenant of faithful, exclusive, and lifelong love (Catechism of the Catholic Church, CCC 1601, 1644). Through the sacrament, spouses receive grace to help one another grow in holiness (CCC 1641). That love is not a feeling we can demand from someone; it is a vocation we live through mutual self-giving, respect, and care.
Love is more than a feeling
We are surrounded by images of romance and relationships that can make us compare our spouse or our marriage with a fantasy. If we keep measuring real life against a polished image, we may begin to notice only what is missing. Discontent can grow into resentment if we do not address it honestly.
Saint Paul writes that love “is patient and kind… it does not insist on its own way” (1 Corinthians 13:4–5). That does not mean staying silent about serious problems. It means speaking truthfully without trying to control or humiliate the other person.
Jesus warns against deliberately looking at another person with lust (Matthew 5:27–28). The Church understands lust as a disordered desire for sexual pleasure separated from its proper moral context (CCC 2351). An unchosen temptation or passing attraction is not the same as consenting to cultivate lust. We are responsible for our choices, and we can protect our marriage with honesty, wise boundaries, prayer, and a willingness to seek help.
Proverbs warns that secret infidelity can bring real harm. It is not a license to stereotype women or men as predators, nor a reason to assume every friendship is dangerous. A faithful marriage benefits from transparency and trust. If a friendship is becoming secretive, emotionally intimate in a way that displaces the spouse, or dishonest, it is time to step back and address what is happening.
When a friendship crosses a boundary
I once knew a couple going through a difficult period. The wife began confiding in a former boyfriend about the problems in her marriage. At first, it may have seemed like a sympathetic ear. Over time, their conversations and time together became a source of concern for her husband.
I did not know everything that was happening in their marriage, and I could not know anyone’s full motives. What I could see was that secrecy and growing distance were making a painful situation harder. Rather than deciding the whole story from the outside, I encouraged my friend to slow down, speak honestly with his wife, and consider wise pastoral or professional help.
Jesus teaches, “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6). Catholics take the permanence of marriage seriously. Adultery is a grave offense against the marriage covenant and a profound injustice to a spouse (CCC 2380). But upholding marriage does not mean ignoring betrayal, forcing someone to remain in danger, or pretending trust can be restored without truth and repentance.
In serious circumstances, separation may be legitimate, especially when a spouse or children need protection; the Church recognizes that separation or civil divorce may be tolerated when necessary to safeguard rights or care for children (CCC 2383). Anyone facing infidelity, abuse, or a serious breakdown should seek appropriate help from a trusted priest, qualified Catholic counselor, or other professional. Safety and truthful counsel matter.
Forgiveness is essential to Christian life, but forgiveness is not the same as instant reconciliation or the removal of all consequences. Rebuilding a marriage requires honesty, accountability, repentance, and time. The goal is not to preserve appearances at any cost; it is to seek what is true and good for everyone involved.
Love and the children we care for
When children are part of a family, our choices affect them too. They should not be made responsible for adult conflict or pressured to take sides. They need steady love, age-appropriate honesty, and reassurance that the difficulties between their parents are not their fault.
Children benefit from the love and care of both parents and other trusted adults. A father can affirm his daughter’s dignity, and a mother can do the same for her son. A child’s worth does not depend on receiving approval from one particular gender. Every person is created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), and the Catechism teaches that men and women possess equal dignity (CCC 1934–1935).
Parents have a serious responsibility to educate and form their children, but that responsibility is carried out through example, patience, listening, and respect for each child’s developing freedom (CCC 2221–2223). Unconditional love does not mean approving every choice. It means that our care for our children is not earned by perfect behavior.
The ministry of marriage
When my friend was overwhelmed, his first instinct was to end the marriage. I encouraged him not to make a life-changing decision in the heat of shock. I reminded him that I did not know the whole story, and that he deserved careful counsel before deciding what came next.
Marriage can be a sacred calling, but it is not a guarantee that a couple will never struggle or fail. The sacrament gives spouses grace for the journey; it does not remove their freedom or the need to keep choosing truth and love. The family is a place where faith is lived and passed on, the “domestic church” (CCC 1655–1657).
Genesis says that a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). This speaks of forming a new family bond and giving marriage its proper priority. It does not cancel the duty to honor parents or require spouses to cut off their families. It calls husband and wife to build a shared life marked by loyalty, mutual respect, and care.
Saint Paul’s teaching on marriage should also be read in light of the dignity of both spouses. He begins, “Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). He tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:25), a love expressed through self-giving, not domination. The Church recognizes the equal dignity of husband and wife and calls them to mutual fidelity and service.
Dating and discerning marriage
When I look back, my wife and I dated for four years before we married. We became engaged after about six months. I saw qualities in her that I deeply admired, including her commitment to her education and the warmth she showed our nieces and nephews. As time passed, my love for her grew more substantial. Today, after close to twenty years of marriage, I still marvel at how quickly the years have gone.
Jacob worked seven years for Rachel, “and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her” (Genesis 29:20). Our stories are different, but courtship can be a time to learn whether two people can build a life of mutual respect, honest communication, shared values, and faithful commitment.
Marriage is a vocation, but it is not the only path to holiness or a measure of a person’s worth. The Church honors different vocations, including consecrated life and the single state. Every Christian is called to love God and neighbor, whether married or not.
Love through the changing seasons
Ecclesiastes reminds us that there is “a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing… a time to love” (Ecclesiastes 3:5, 8). Marriage moves through seasons: joy, stress, illness, parenting, work, loss, and renewal. Love means learning how to meet each season together.
We cannot control another person or guarantee that a relationship will unfold exactly as we hoped. We can choose fidelity, truth, kindness, and appropriate help. We can set boundaries against temptation without living in suspicion. We can repair harm, ask forgiveness, and keep making small gestures that say, “I see you. I value you. I am here.”
A prayer for loving faithfully
Lord Jesus, teach me to love with patience, honesty, and respect. Help me cherish the people You have entrusted to me without taking them for granted.
Give married couples the grace to speak truthfully, listen with compassion, remain faithful, and seek help when they need it. Protect those living through betrayal or danger, and guide them toward wise and safe support.
Help parents love their children with steadiness and wisdom. Let our homes become places where each person is treated with dignity and where forgiveness and truth can grow together.
May all our relationships lead us closer to You and make us more generous in love. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Conclusion
Be loving in the small things: a kind word, an embrace that is welcome, an attentive conversation, a promise kept, or an apology offered. These gestures do not solve every problem, but they help make love visible.
Do not let fantasy, secrecy, or resentment take the place of honest communication. Protect the vows you have made, and seek help when a relationship is in trouble. Remember that fidelity is not control, forgiveness is not denial, and love never excuses abuse.
Marriage can be a beautiful and demanding vocation. With God’s grace, mutual respect, and daily acts of care, spouses can keep learning how to love each other more faithfully through the years.